If there is one thing that slackers are universally seeking to avoid, it is dishwashing. Here are some tips for avoiding dishwashing. I assume here that you posess an automatic dishwasher in your home, because if you don’t, then clearly you don’t care about efficient living.

Avoid the Problem

The first general concept is to avoid making dirty dishes in the first place.

– Eat out.
– Order in.
– Get invited/invite yourself over to a friend’s house for dinner.
– Use disposable plates and utensils.
– Microwave dinners. Try to get ones that do not require utensils (e.g. pizza). If you buy something like linguini, you may have to compromise and sign up for washing a fork and possibly a knife.
– Don’t eat foods that make plates dirty. Keep reusing the same plate over and over.

Pay for the Problem to Go Away

Let’s say now that you were unable to pull any of those off. There are now a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Now what?

– Throw them away–this can get to be rather expensive over time. Also it just transfers the effort from dishwashing to taking out the trash, a topic that is covered separately.
– Hire a cleaning person–this too can be expensive but it’s a viable solution and seems less wasteful than throwing dishes away.

Take Extreme Measures

If you don’t have the money for those options, then you have to consider more extreme options.

– Segregate your dishes into ones that are used only for foods that don’t leave residue, e.g. breads, things wrapped in plastic. Keep using these over and over.

– Let them accumulate, then do them all at once during a period of Motivation Madness. If you do them less frequently, not only are you spending less total time during the week doing dishes, but you are saving money and the environment by not using so much water and detergent. Yes, that’s right, by not doing dishes you are saving the environment.

– If you have a spouse/girlfriend/roommate, this one applies to you. As the dishes accumulate, the psychological warefare will heat up. I would call it a Battle of Wills. What it boils down to is your tolerance for having a pile of dirty dishes must be higher than your cohabitor, to the point that the latter party’s sense of justice is overwhelmed by the need to do something about the situation. I.e. they can’t stand looking at the pile anymore so they just do it themselves.

– Invite your mom over. This is of course uncharacteristic of a slacker, which guarantees that she will come. For the price of just a good tongue-lashing, mom will generally not leave you with dishes overflowing out of the kitchen. This plan will of course will backfire if your mom is a slacker, too.

You might start to feel pangs of conscience over the exploitiveness of these tactics. Hey, we all do what we gotta do.

Last Resort

At some point if none of these options are successful, your pad may start to become an environmental hazard. Dirty dishes cover every floor space in every room. Your feet are full of holes from stepping on forks. You may get eviction notices, the city may start to close you down as a health hazard, or maybe it’s just getting too much even for you. At that point there’s only one thing you can do.

– Move. You can start over in a fresh home. Animals move to new territories when their current environment becomes unfavorable, and so should you.

Conclusion

When it comes to dishwashing, it’s best not to have the problem at all. But if you do, there are a number of tactics that you can use to deal with it most efficiently.

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